Tag Archives: redefinition

On Being a Student: The Final Week

So the water flows into the river, I must flow into my new role

 

On Thursday, I give in my dissertation and my course officially ends. I’ll be out of education.

On Friday, I move out:

An unemployed, living-back-with-my-parents-full-time post-graduand.

My very first school took in four-year-olds under the title of “rising fives”… Thus I started my first school one week after I turned four. In a week’s time, I will turn twenty-two. That’s 18 years (give or take 2 weeks) of full-time education. I went to a catholic all girls secondary, moved to a mixed college and then left home to pursue a BSc; complete with my first ever festival, my first few gigs, mental health experience, paid casual work, my first summer job and my first experience of bills, public transport and cooking. Then I stayed on for my MSc in the safety of the world I’d built with systems of support in its walls.

And now, now I’m going into the world of work, having left the community I spent four years building.

Fear and Acceptance

The whole journey of leaving home at 18 has given me an odd form of faith. Somehow, things seem to work out. I always manage to make ends meet, I sorted out a work schedule that allowed me to earn money, study, meet up with friends and volunteer so that I had the best range of experiences.

Like the phoenix, I have melted under pressure and risen up anew from a pile on the floor. I discovered a form of brain-training and began to teach. I recognised my fears of public speaking, so I spoke at conferences and signed up to give tours. I kept my eyes open and leapt when I felt strong. And when I felt weak, I curled up in my room with its lock and gave myself space.

Transitions

My journey through university has been about extending my comfort zone, growing as a full person and respecting my own feelings. I don’t go clubbing and get drunk a lot; I sit in with a book and a green tea. Rather than go shopping for things I don’t need with money I don’t have, I step into a circle with 50 druids every 8 weeks and chant the awen.

I’ve noticed the aspects in myself I dislike, and I’ve become an alchemist in order to change them – from my short temper and my passive-aggressive anger style to my generally judgemental attitude and my conditioned fear responses.

Heading forward into this next life-stage, I’ll be using my forge more than ever to challenge my thoughts, my language and my actions. For the next couple of weeks, as I celebrate the transition into a new life stage, I’ll be focused on minimising extraneous “stuff” and opening myself to new thought processes. I can focus on Shivanata and look for the chinks of light beneath the barriers I used to keep tightly around me.

I’ve been the apprentice; now it’s my time to pick up the tongs.

– Rose –

Want to know what I can do for you? As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.

Wander over to the Alchemy Forge and let me fire up your dreams. 

The Big Why: My Reasons

To make up for the lack of a post on Tuesday, I’m guesting over at Emmanuelle Lambert’s site today, talking about how I became a redefinition alchemist, why I’m so into teaching and how I discovered myself.

“I know my role has been to see this connection, to bring those things together, and then to make sure I can help as many people as possible to help themselves.

That’s just why I’m here.“

Read the full post here.

The Alchemy of Reflection

This is the 100th post.  -raises my glass to yours- 

And I’m writing it while my friend’s dog, Roxy, is asleep on my feet. 

 

Redefinition is the process by which we can change the definitions and perceptions of everything in who we are and in our lives. As much of the process revolves around the changes, I wanted to take a step back and talk about the reflection which precedes this change.

How will you know what to change without looking at your current life?

 

Reflecting on Feelings

I’ve begun to notice my reactions to people’s comments; particularly any negative feelings when given a compliment or any out of proportion emotional response around criticism.

Two phrases have been nagging at my half-conscious mind late at night, and I’ve been untying the conditioning behind each. This me, performing the alchemy on my own thought processes in order redefine my experience:

The first phrase was “that was nice of you”, which filled me with fear. I actively withdrew; trying to shrug it off as no big deal. The second phrase was “You mustn’t let that happen”. I felt a sudden rush to act; almost empowered that someone seemed to think I COULD stop it happening.

 

The first comment brought empowerment. The compliment caused me a lot of discomfort and sadness. Is that how you would have perceived them?

 

Dissecting the Issues

Looking further into the loaded meanings behind each of these seemingly insignificant phrases – I discovered a hidden treasure of conditioned fear, anxiety and pressure. I found such a heavy responsibility behind phrases which seemed so stupid to be triggering such strong emotions in me.

These are the uncovered findings of my fossil hunt:

“That was kind of you”

-          I now have been labelled as kind.

-          Thus I now have pressure to fulfil that label

-          I feel anger at them judging me as one way or other

-          Why is that label imposed on me by someone who doesn’t know me

-          They say it as though it’s abnormal to be kind in that way or that situation – am I so abnormal? Must you point it out? Especially on a public bus?

I’m sure the person who spoke didn’t mean it like that; they meant “That was a nice thing you did.” However, I can also see why I’m scared of it.

 

Similarly, I found my emotions didn’t match the meaning in “You mustn’t let that happen”.

-          I have the power to stop this

-          You’re relying on me to do this

-          There is a duty and responsibility to ensure this does not happen

-          I’m seen as responsible, as talented enough to do this – you’re saying I can do it

 

There’s a lot of empowerment in that phrase, although her tone suggested more of a “You’ve let that nearly happen, that’s wrong, stop it, now!”…

 

In finding the positive; this is an act of redefinition I automatically do now. I’ve turned a criticism of my current behaviour into a motivating forward step. However, it has had that negative side of mis-interpreting positive comments.

 

The Space to Question

Humans are very complex and our thought processes are essentially webs connecting everything we know to select bits of other knowledge. The balance will never be met, but each attempt to make my experience positive will train my mind to feel comfortable with whatever people say.

 

Do you ever feel like you over-react to “silly things” or “little things that shouldn’t matter”?

Could you find any hidden meanings which would “substantiate” your responses?

Do you have emotions that don’t always match what people might expect?

How do you deal with those incidents? What do you say to explain them?

 

– Rose –

Commitments to Change

The tiger and dragon are symbols of the journey through spiritual life, death and rebirth

I went to my first Anger Management session in May 2011, where I met Ben, the therapist who leads the groups. Over the past year, I’ve come to know the course structure very well; particularly the phrases and metaphors which are used to illustrate points.

Last week, that phrase about commitment came up.

“I’m more committed to being happy than to being ‘right’. That’s all you’ve got to do; be more committed to making your life work than being right. It’s your choice.”

Over the last year, I’ve noticed that, at least in my experience, there’s some damn truth to this: which I find rather annoying.

Conditioning

I grew up in a space where being different was being wrong, and where that was also “ridiculous”, “stupid”, or most often, “something everybody but me knew was stupid/ridiculous”.

So a lot of my “I must be right” is a form of OCD-like perfectionism drilled into me from a young age, propelled by fear. I also grew up in this environment where aggression was normal, acceptable and what strong people did.

I began on that path, where people who were right, people who could see those wrong things were obviously stupid could be aggressive and feel justified in that act of oppressing others.

Each one of us has some form of conditioning, and I’ve spoken before about some of the ways to create gentle change in those habits.

The Choice

This choice should feel positive; like I can control myself and my feelings. Just as I have become committed to doing any job if it keeps me in Brighton with those supportive systems, positive influences and opportunities for further development. Even if it won’t meet the job description I want to do.

As a redefinition alchemist, this is my forte. I feel at home with this potential, this extra chance for change. The tools of awareness, of realising we can change – it’s a useful one in the process of redefinition.

Each moment is another moment for that reminder –

“I can choose my response to this action.”

“I am committed to this relationship working”

“I have a commitment to being a kind and compassionate person.”

Whatever the goal, there’s a choice, a decision made and a commitment to keep.

The Decision

I’m constantly redefining myself. I came out of a house as an angry, verbally aggressive, closed-minded, negative, aversive person who took everything personally and was terrified of being wrong.

I still struggle with anger, anxiety and fear. I still struggle to be wrong, and I can still be very strong minded about certain views.

The difference is that those views are now relatively well-researched from both sides.

I came to university and met people who didn’t use fear and aggression to make others submissive to them. I discovered the people I grew up around are not right 100% of the time. I found out that being wrong did not get me hit, yelled at, or threatened.

I learned that in the real world, there’s no danger in having a different opinion.

 

The Commitment

Across March and April, I spent three and a half weeks back in my hometown. As the final week rolled around, I noticed the highly judgemental, defensive and quite angry comments whirring round my head again; conditioning I thought I’d broken free of.

I returned to Brighton, with supportive systems around me. Co-facilitating anger management courses keeps my own emotions under watch, working in the hospital keeps my life in perspective and my friends here continually give me options to meet them.

Today, I’m home with my parents for a week, and in three weeks I’ll be back here again.

I have a choice.

I made my decision not to emulate the people around me.

And I am committed to being a kind and loyal human being.

Your Thoughts

What commitments are you keeping to yourself?

What decisions could you make in your life right now?

– Rose –

As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.

Do you need to shine up your dreams and set alight your passions again?

Visit the Alchemy Forge to find out how the local alchemist can meet your needs!

Redefining Challenge and Choice

Back in June, I had my first ever “annual review” in a job. As I discussed my feelings about settling in over the last 6 months and the challenges I’d found within the role and setting of working in a psychiatric hospital; I realised that I partly applied for this role in order to be challenged.

This sparked a few thoughts on my redefinition journey; how I applied for my first ever job knowing it would be doing three things I found difficult and agreed to give two presentations at conferences as part of a volunteering job.

The Transition

From those experiences, I think a part of me had realised that I need to ease myself into working in mental health on the level and scale I’ll (hopefully) be working with clients when I look into graduate positions. So I applied to work in a psychiatric hospital; going onto the wards and speaking to people who are so unwell they cannot function in the outside world.
Back in 2010, I had this realisation that I had a comfort zone.
And unless I did something to stretch and push it; that would be a limiting factor for my life.

I know that I’ll be challenged in ‘the real world’, thus I’ve been aiming to stretch my comfort zone, and moving ever-closer to my potential. This calls for preparation, long thought processes, calm decision making… and sometimes it involves jumping in feet first before I can talk myself out of it.

Even the more “fun” or “mundane” aspects of life require this constant pushing against my zone edges.

Comfort Zone, Meet My Fears

Last night was my leaving do for a project I’ve worked with for over 2.5 years. We went to Lazer Zone. (Basically run around in the dark shooting at people with lazer guns and getting points for accurate shots and trying not to be shot yourself). Similarly, my student house has been empty for nearly four weeks now; just me living here.

-          I am afraid of the dark

-          I hate sudden noises mixed with silence (just don’t like to be shocked)

-          I have a lot of anxiety in general

-          I used to HATE tag and hide and seek at school because of my fears

-          I have a history of panic attacks in claustrophobic situations

-          I live in a dodgy area and you could easily get into the back garden

I choose to suggest lazer zone because I’ve done it once before and was fine. I know there are help buttons around the place, I knew the layout from last time and I had two close colleagues with me. I actually paired up with one of them, even though we were all individually being scored; I asked to co-operate with her so I wasn’t alone for the full 20-minutes.

I’ve learned that I need to push my barriers if I’m ever going to get over these fears. However, I also know how important it is to invent my own support and to ensure I have all my systems in place in case it’s too much for me.

Choices and Changes

This is especially important to me now; as I’m about to step off a well-lit path of student life and into the real world. And let me tell you, for someone who has never even had a part time job (all my work is casual 2-5 hours a week), the real world is scary.

I am suddenly facing the choice many young people in the Western world have already made: as a majority of people leave the path at an earlier point – when they feel educated enough and ready to get into work.

I’ve suddenly just reached the end of the damn path; and I want to stay on it. But the tracks end here.

Each time I was offered the chance to leave there was a nicely lit path still ahead of me, from school to college to university, to post-graduate study… I could leave, but I also had the option to stay on it – with the next step mapped out for me.

At 16 you leave school and can go to college.

At 18 you leave college and can go to university.

At 21 you leave your undergraduate course at university and can go on to postgraduate study.

I turn 22 in August and complete my postgraduate course.
And I am shitting bricks.

Redefining Life

Thinking back to my views on challenges, this feels so far out of my comfort zone that I don’t feel ready.

I am not a business-driven woman. I do not care about a career, climbing any ladder or getting out to the real world. In fact, the latter idea terrifies me somewhat.

So I’m sitting here in the middle of my Masters dissertation with three job applications waiting to be completed. And I’m wondering what systems of support I can offer myself in this situation.

Following the 6-month review back in June, I realised that I can see myself doing any job if it means I get to stay inBrighton, to keep working with these people, to have some income and to remain with my friends. And I’d be able to contribute to knowledge and skills in an area I’ve become interested in and to make a difference to people; while being in an area of the country that supports my spiritual and social development.

Sometimes, it’s important to remember what our values really are. Not to walk the path expected of us or to turn away when the road ends; but to walk across the dirt and create a new path forward.

Your Thoughts

Are you content with the size of your comfort zone?

What systems of support could you use to stretch it?

And something I’m most interested in:

How did you find the transition from learning into work?

– Rose –

Lessons in Perception from Work-Shadowing

The process of redefinition depends upon a cognitive experience called perception.

Perception differs from each person; conditioned by our experiences of the world and altered by pretty much every occurrence we have.

In March 2010, I attended a work-shadowing placement at an RSPB (bird protection) nature reserve; shadowing the education officer for the reserve. A school came to visit the reserve and my role was to help the students with their activities – from field sketches and worksheets to identifying creatures found while pond-dipping. The students were around 12-14 in age, and one particular incident gave me a sense of the difference in perception.

A peregrine falcon has been nesting within the reserve. This is a rare bird of prey; a predator rarely seen, let alone close up. I have never seen one in the wild; though birds of prey are my interest and I have tried many times to see them.

The mallard duck is the commonest duck in Britain; as far as I know. Any village pond, town square, river or lake has these ducks in abundance; and I know that every student here had seen a mallard duck, and I doubt any of them had seen a peregrine falcon on a nest.

However; upon climbing to high ground to look over the wetlands; someone spotted a duck and looked on their chart to see its name.

 “A Mallard!”

Instantly the entire group of 15 children got excited; hurriedly turning their binoculars towards the sighting.. or one of the sightings, for their were about 100 of the damned ducks.


Labels

These children would have walked past probably a thousand of these very birds in their hometowns; but staring out half a mile they found a joy in the discovery.

The little egret I spotted (my first ever wild sighting!) was ignored. The peregrine I’d hoped to see never made an appearance; but we found its empty nest, and the children were bored of the idea.

Partly, they were excited by this new name. ‘A mallard’. I bet if one of the teachers had said “it’s a duck; like you get at home”, they would have got excited over the egret instead (rarer than a duck).

Their perception of the experience was to go to this special reserve and see a brown-ish bird in the distance with a cool name.


‘Normalcy’

However, my upbringing and idea of “normalcy” feeds into my own perception, which caused them to be happy and me to be unhappy, in this instance. I valued two rare birds, wanted to share this love with the next generation and was beaten by a common duck.

I’m aware of things I’d say were “boring and normal” which would excite others. Badgers eat food out of the patio bowl; just a metre from our dining room windows. They actually bore me now; but most of Britain is enraptured by the idea that these creatures live in our countryside, and long to see them in real life rather than on television.

However, I’ve only seen a squirrel in my garden once, in over a decade. I still get excited seeing squirrels – and they’re as common as ducks in the general community. For me though, growing up near no squirrels but with foxes and badgers in our garden and a lake nearby with ducks and swans, squirrels are an amazing creature I consider a rare sight.

Similarly, this April I saw long-tailed tits and a nuthatch in our garden – both common British garden birds, though they’d never been seen in my garden before. My perception causes me to be excited by these occurrences.


The Lesson

Knowing that this is the reason for my sudden annoyance or my joy, means that I can be more patient with those children, and to even see the wonders in animals I’ve come to see as “normal”.

Mallards do have beautiful wing colours, and badgers has a wonderful way of moving.

Is there something that always bothers you about others? Could it be a difference in perception?

I find it helpful to remember a lesson my partner taught me:

“Just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

The world is full of differences and the many views are what makes it so colourful.


Your Thoughts

Is there something that always bothers you about others?

What situation would make you act of they act?

Could it be a difference in perception?

How could you change your perception?

– Rose –


As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.

Do you need to shine up your dreams and set alight your passions again?

The Alchemy Forge is open and fired up for business; check out the options for shining up your words, redefining your perception and recharging your fire!

Focusing on Dreams

I’ve been a dreamer for as long as I can remember. I’m a future-orientated person, driven by family and relationships rather than a career. But my Masters degree is ending and I need to decide on a future now; at least the next little bit of it.


Stepping Stones

My method of dealing with not meeting my dreams, is to explain that this a stepping stone towards the ideal; especially in the midst of the choices ahead of me. As long as I’m still stepping towards it, or staying at this distance from it temporarily, then I’m doing okay.

My ideal dream for now is to live with my partner; but his living and working situation was chosen for him and I’d like to stay here in Brighton. Thus, I have to see the next two years as a stepping stone; living not just separately from him; but with over 100 miles separating us. I’ve looked at the options around me and decided that the most viable way to make money, which I can save for our future is to work here, or back home. Based on the lack of opportunity in the village I grew up in compared to this city… well. Let’s say I’m currently only applying for jobs here.

I’m trying to focus on money-making as a forward step – allowing us to build a future once we reach it. But as I apply for work and look at renting a flat with a friend, I’m aware that this isn’t a step forward towards that dream. If anything, we’re doing to be physically further apart.


Shaping the Stone

So I push my original dreams back a few years in time, and make new dreams to fill the void.

Co-habiting will be at least two years away; so in these two years, I’m dreaming of a nice house or flat, living with a friend or two, enjoying a job in mental health and having access to the support systems of my two best friends and the spiritual communities I’ve come to trust and love here.

I’m applying for jobs, have a possible housemate and am keeping an eye on two-bedroom flats. I’m making this my dream, with reminders on my wall that this is just a temporary stage, and that if I work hard, I can be fully prepared for the challenges which will come up in the future.


Supporting the Step

Every step is a step towards my future, my potential. And one of my dreams is to get ever closer to that potential. Thus, I’ve been refocusing my direction, turning the wheel and sailing in a new direction; tacking back and forth in order to move straight ahead in these windy waters.

For now, I focus on the dream to stay afloat, watching for the signals of the lighthouse. The land I seek will still be there when I finally arrive; and it’s best to arrive at unknown experiences prepared and confident in myself.

Once I’m ready; with land ahoy, money to spend and communication tools in my belt, I can follow the northern star and meet that dream on the shore.


Your Thoughts

What are your deepest dreams? How are you stepping towards them?

How do you deal with set-backs?

Have you made any new dreams? Do you redefine your dreams in line with your current choices?

How could you step closer to them, beginning today?

 
– Rose –


As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.

Do you need to shine up your dreams and set alight your passions again?

The Alchemy Forge is open and fired up for business!

Defining Overwhelm

An email reply arrives.

“No 5:30pm is good. Are you sure you’re okay to come tonight?”

As I begin typing, I sigh. “Yeah, I’ve been looking forward to it all week. I just-”

The tears arise without warning, and the band across my head I only feel when I have a migraine suddenly sparks into life; burning. The sickness in my stomach I’ve been ignoring all day rises and falls with my breath.

I begin to delete my words. Maybe I should say “no.”

Signs and Symptoms

This was four weeks ago. What began as a sick feeling of panic eventually came out as vertigo, dizziness, nausea, crying for no obvious reason, panic attacks with no trigger and head pain. And it lasted nearly three weeks in total.

For all my academic knowledge of mental health theories and brain chemistry, I still seem to be average at reading my body’s signals; still oblivious to how much pressure I can put on myself.

I tend to put my values of honour about my health: If I have said I will do something; then I’ll do it. No matter what the cost. And no matter how many times I attempt to put my body or mind above that; it’s not a high enough value for me.

However, over the last month, I’ve taken days off work, which is a form of breaking my word. That’s a first for me that I’m still not comfortable with.


Creating Days of Space

I’ve had two weekends of relaxation now. I have a couple of pieces of work to focus on ~ both of which I’ve been doing bits of over the past two weeks, so I don’t feel pressured to do them all at once. I found some hour-long videos of music I enjoy and have been allowing myself as much green tea and water as I want.

The work isn’t difficult, just a bit monotonous. Last week was the first weekend I’ve had with no massive deadlines looming. The vertigo and head rushes have calmed, though they were still happening every couple of hours last week – despite not moving, having fresh air, shade, water and time away from my screen.

My thoughts have focused a lot on why it took some serious physical problems to stop me rushing around. I’m reading every day, doing a bit of work at a time and I’ve cut down this week just to one day of work and one day of university.

As anxieties about everything else arise, I am in a space where I can use my systems ~ writing out pros and cons lists, finding support in all scenarios.

~

 

From this mental place, I’m able to make a new definition of health and how I want to value my mind and body. I want to get enough sleep, to have a weekend to complete two pieces of work and to rest with books and health food.

The higher I raise that value, the less likely I’ll burn out again, and have to take more time off work.

Your Thoughts

How highly do you value your mental health?

Do you make time and systems for dealing with burn out?

What signs do you notice when you’re in need of a break?

– Rose –


As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.

Are you feeling heavy, dull and in need of a smith? Let me help you to shine up and set you alight with your passion again.

The Alchemy Forge is open and fired up for business!

Finding Balance: Redefinition and Conditioning

I am in a constant state of redefinition. I came out of a house as an angry, verbally aggressive, closed-minded, negative, aversive person who took everything personally and was terrified of being wrong.

I still struggle with anger, anxiety and fear. I still struggle to be wrong, and I can still be very strong minded about certain views. The difference is that those views are now relatively well-researched from both sides.

 

Transitions

I came to university and met people who didn’t use fear and aggression to make others submissive to them. I discovered the people I grew up around are not right 100% of the time. I found out that being wrong did not get me hit, yelled at, or threatened.

During April, I spent three weeks back in my hometown. As the final week rolled around, I noticed the highly judgemental, defensive and quite angry comments whirring round my head again; conditioning I thought I’d broken free of, had been triggered.

When I returned here to Brighton, I feel safer amidst my supportive systems. Co-facilitating anger management courses keeps my own emotions under watch, working in the hospital keeps my life in perspective and my friends here continually give me options to meet them.

 

Conditioning Re-Arises

Three weeks back, however, I made myself sick with anxiety. I had mini-panic attacks for three days without an obvious trigger. I felt sick, experienced vertigo for the first time in my life, and struggled to process sensory information.

I had a week full of exciting, wonderful experiences lined up, and I had to miss half of them. I took my first ever day off sick for mental health reasons. And beneath my reluctance, I found guilt, judgement and stigma.

These underlying feelings were so persuasive, I had to really emphasise the vertigo – the nausea and dizziness, as physical symptoms, in order to admit that I was unwell.

 

Job Roles and Patterns

I grew up in a space where mental health was negative, and using it as a reason was termed an “excuse”. Then I came to Brighton, and found that I agreed with the science, the case studies I saw and the reflections upon my previous mental health experiences – there was something concrete in mental health, and it had a right to be valued.

In Brighton, I work with those who have or have experienced ill mental health. I do not think they are weak or bad, and my time is spent actively encouraging people to value mental health as a part of physical health.

Listening to my inner feelings, I really do believe that mental health issues are as valid, if not more valid, than physical – as they are present in both and can cause physical symptoms. Yet as I was given two days off work; from jobs in mental health, I found the stigma rising.

 

The quiet voice began as a “you’re being silly, letting them down for no reason”, and by the end of the day, it had turned into a raging anger; a guilty voice of injustice. In my weaker state; deprived of food and sleep, my conditioning arose and I couldn’t access the tools to redefine it.

 

The Next Step

Now, however, I am able to reach those tools. I’ve been questioning the language I use, and how I react to what others say and do. I’ve reflected on this stigma, and I’m taking a while to unpick where I’ve learned those conditioned reactions from.

This is the space where I can also utilise the tools for dealing with arising conditions; setting up safe spaces within my days. This week, I’m slotting in a shopping trip, a night at the pub and a visit to my friend. I have work to do, but I’m deliberately providing myself with supportive systems, while I internally deal with this old pattern.

And if I encounter it again, I hope that I’ll be able to reach out to the tools I have available to me.

 

Questions for Thought

What do you find when you come out of your conditioned state?

How do you deal with stigma and old views you no longer believe in?

What is your next step, following a trigger of old conditioning?

 

– Rose –

 

As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.

Are you feeling heavy, dull and in need of a smith? Let me help you to shine up and set you alight with your passion again.


The Alchemy Forge will be opening later this week, so keep an eye out!

 

Shivanata: The Sparkling Truth

I’ve been practising shivanata since April 2010. I’ve been teaching since May 2011. For various reasons, I ended up taking about 4 months off from the practise.

A month or two back, I suddenly got back into the swing, and within 48 hours, was flooded by ideas.

My student journey has a foreseeable end. I’d hit a block in my path.

I was looking for job options in every crevice; from moving 100 miles away, living back at home, and taking other education to suddenly upping my income here at my blog.


Projects

I’ve had a few projects in the pipe-line for the past six months; all of which I’ve begun, yet need a large amount of work.

As I picked up my shivanata practise, I was saddened to notice the lack of skill I now had with the low levels. I know in my head that it’s good; that this shows my brain has been re-wired since I learnt those early steps, yet my heart was seeing the failure underneath.


The Epiphanies

One night back in April, I couldn’t sleep. I went to bed at 11pm, and was still staring at the ceiling at 3am. I’d given up at 1:30 and watched a DVD on my ipod for an hour; then gone back to ceiling gazing.

My mind was full of buzzing, but not real thoughts. I couldn’t trace any worries and when I checked in with my body; I was tired.

~

The next morning I sat up to my laptop, bleary-eyed and yawning. I began to plan the guest post that I later shared over at Medicinal Marzipan. Between segments, I surfed the internet in my usual manner, and barely noticed the words I was reading on the various websites I came across.

* bing *

“Alchemist”.

Holy Carp, Batman.

I work with Phoenixes (phoeni?), transforming ashes to flame. I’m a Pagan by spirituality, and a melder of minds. If that’s not alchemy, I don’t know what is.

Once more, I was bowled over with ideas… I found a new set of metaphors to deal with the branding of things I’d had in the pipeline for months. There are two products I’m close to launching, a better way of wording a third venture I’m tentatively taking, and three new ideas which are all very do-able.

In a way, 45-minutes of level 1 shivanata, spread across 12 minutes a day has re-branded something that I hadn’t realised wasn’t working for me.

I knew I was lost, but didn’t know which bits had got me into the muddle. Now I know how I got here, where I’ve come from, where to go and how I’ll be getting there.

Not bad for 12 minutes a day and a little starter kit I bought to help me write a dissertation two years ago (which it also did amazingly).

This weekend, I’ll be attending the Brainpop Shiva Nata Workshop in London, and I’m expecting to come back with more ideas than I can handle.


Want a Go?

If you’re interested, head over to my shivanata page, find out about the starter kit or book a session over Skype or in Brighton.

If you’re not, then take the lesson that even two years on, you can learn from the very basics of a skill. And that sometimes clarity just takes a few moments of doing something different.

– Rose –

 

As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.
Are you feeling heavy, dull and in need of a smith? Let me help you to shine up and set you alight with your passion again.
The Alchemy Forge will be opening next week, so keep an eye out!