On Thursday, I give in my dissertation and my course officially ends. I’ll be out of education.
On Friday, I move out:
An unemployed, living-back-with-my-parents-full-time post-graduand.
My very first school took in four-year-olds under the title of “rising fives”… Thus I started my first school one week after I turned four. In a week’s time, I will turn twenty-two. That’s 18 years (give or take 2 weeks) of full-time education. I went to a catholic all girls secondary, moved to a mixed college and then left home to pursue a BSc; complete with my first ever festival, my first few gigs, mental health experience, paid casual work, my first summer job and my first experience of bills, public transport and cooking. Then I stayed on for my MSc in the safety of the world I’d built with systems of support in its walls.
And now, now I’m going into the world of work, having left the community I spent four years building.
Fear and Acceptance
The whole journey of leaving home at 18 has given me an odd form of faith. Somehow, things seem to work out. I always manage to make ends meet, I sorted out a work schedule that allowed me to earn money, study, meet up with friends and volunteer so that I had the best range of experiences.
Like the phoenix, I have melted under pressure and risen up anew from a pile on the floor. I discovered a form of brain-training and began to teach. I recognised my fears of public speaking, so I spoke at conferences and signed up to give tours. I kept my eyes open and leapt when I felt strong. And when I felt weak, I curled up in my room with its lock and gave myself space.
My journey through university has been about extending my comfort zone, growing as a full person and respecting my own feelings. I don’t go clubbing and get drunk a lot; I sit in with a book and a green tea. Rather than go shopping for things I don’t need with money I don’t have, I step into a circle with 50 druids every 8 weeks and chant the awen.
I’ve noticed the aspects in myself I dislike, and I’ve become an alchemist in order to change them – from my short temper and my passive-aggressive anger style to my generally judgemental attitude and my conditioned fear responses.
Heading forward into this next life-stage, I’ll be using my forge more than ever to challenge my thoughts, my language and my actions. For the next couple of weeks, as I celebrate the transition into a new life stage, I’ll be focused on minimising extraneous “stuff” and opening myself to new thought processes. I can focus on Shivanata and look for the chinks of light beneath the barriers I used to keep tightly around me.
I’ve been the apprentice; now it’s my time to pick up the tongs.
– Rose –
Want to know what I can do for you? As phoenix rises from ashes into flame, the alchemist turns lead to gold.
Wander over to the Alchemy Forge and let me fire up your dreams.