Tag Archives: motivation

A Three Month Recap

I had three goals this year, with six separate “ideas” to meet. I meant to post this on  Tuesday, but the bank holiday and a car crash messed up my timing.

Here’s my progress so far!

 

1 :: Every ‘thing’ must ‘fit’ comfortably in my flat. If not, something’s got to go. Check every 3 months for “excess”.

This weekend was my first time returning to my old bedroom. I’ve brought a lot of my books with me, and so far I’ve got enough room for everything. However, the purging for this quarter needs to happen soon. I’ve got a lot of items in boxes for a car boot sale, and I need to work out when to go home and sell it all/ get rid of it.

 

2 :: [the focus for this quarter] Settling in, get meditating once a week. Write novel / draw / dance for an hour a week.

Writing as a whole has been fantastic. I’ve got another novel in the works, I’m editing Wings of Skell, and I’ve even started submitting short fiction to publications and made myself a website for my pen name.

Meditation has been sporadic, but it has happened. My Buddhist teacher came to see me in February and we sat in my living room meditating. I’ve also been doing some visualisations.

I’ve been drawing too, and I’m planning to pick up my dance practise in the next few weeks.

 

3 :: Editing food and exercise

This is my focus for the next three months.

 

4 :: Getting outside in nature

This is the focus for the summer-autumn months.

 

5 :: Read two books and at least one OBOD lesson a month

I’ve read EIGHT books. Well on track for my 26 this year, though I did fabulously last year with this until July, so trying to keep up the momentum.

I’ve not done anything on my OBOD stuff since December,

 

6 :: Watch 4 ‘factual’ programmes a month

I have not been counting this, and I don’t think I actually care about it any more. As long as I’m learning stuff, it doesn’t matter where it’s from.

 

How are your goals shaping up?

 

– Rose –

Shifting: A Sense of Stability

design 020

It’s March.

We’re nearly a quarter of the way through the year.

 

We finally have a new manager at work, the third group I’m running begins this week and I’m starting to get a sense of my routine.

This weekend I went home, contacted friends to arrange to hang out this week, got back into drawing, read an actual book, and even got as far as critiquing some pieces of other’s work.

Finally, I turned my attention back to my writing ‘career’ in the form of competitions and novel submission options.


Shifting

Throughout my adult life, I’ve flitted form one extreme to another; from each interest and obsession with ease. At University I attended two meditation societies, the circus club, a separate unicycling class and the rock music/pirate societies.

During my MSc, I volunteering in mental health, learning disability, social care and support work roles; worked in a café, cleaned toilets, taught Shivanata, wrote novels and gave tours to students.

Now I’m a Family Support Worker, and suddenly there’s only one thing to do each day. The job gives me some variety, but it’s not the same as having a few projects on the go at once.

I miss the stability my life had while I was constantly shifting.


Writing

In the last week, I’ve come home from work and thrown focus into writing and editing. I bought some Magic: the Gathering cards in the hope of getting back into that interest, and found myself looking at writing competitions.

With the interest sparked again, I don’t want to wait until November to submit my novel to the next competition.

Yet, the only other one has a deadline of NEXT WEEK.

That’s too soon, the voices in my mind said.

As I read the submissions, desperate to double-check that I couldn’t manage it, I found the passage I’d been wishing for:

“The novel does not need to be complete in order to be entered for the competition. It is acceptable to enter novels-in progress”.

I submitted a novel in September 2012. That was six months ago, and I need to keep the ball rolling, before the fear of rejection claims me. So last night, I printed it off and worked out the postage.
Over the weekend, I also focused on my literary CV – on getting “published credits.” Any competition I could win, or submission I might be paid for. The money didn’t matter – just the comment that I’ve been paid for my writing counts on my writing resume.

So I wrote my first piece of flash/micro fiction. Having read my first piece that morning, by 3pm I had four pieces ready for four competitions, and last night, I sent off the 4th and 5th pieces.

 

In the safety of shifting interests, I can keep my mind afloat.

And now all I need to do is wait for the next step to emerge.


How do you balance yourself in your interests?

 

Can you absorb yourself in one love, or do you switch around?

– Rose –

A Year of Events

pancakeandfairytales 001

The last two weeks have been highly emotional.

 

I began my first bit of lone work, co-working on a sexual abuse case, gave my professional opinion on whether a child should remain on a Child Protection plan and had to report a possible disclosure of domestic abuse to a social work manager.

 

But with pancakes, valentine’s day and talk of the upcoming spring and summer, work has been an enjoyable time. The topic of holidays and weekend activities is a large part of the morning discussions; and I realised I’ve got very little planned for this year. No holiday, no gigs and no festivals.

 

After noticing that some of my friends are building up a “Hawaii fund” or “Antarctica trip of a lifetime fund” I found myself wanting to plan for some nice events.

 

Since moving to Sussex, I’ve got back into my Druid practise, arranged to meet up with two friends and committed to attending the Brighton pub moots again.

 

However, that’s one event in six weeks. As a natural hermit who is now almost afraid of my own company, I want to set up some special one-off “holidays”.

 

A Bit of History

But thinking about what people generally do when they take time off work, my mind drew a blank. I had to think back to the reasons my parents took time off and the things I used to do in the school holidays.

 

One of the things my mum and I used to do was attend classical concerts run by the Kensington Philharmonic Orchestra, which her mother originally led in 1965. Especially with my grandfather’s Alzheimer’s, I’ve found myself missing that connection to my grandmother. He used to attend, and my mum and I would meet him there.

 

Then my mum’s eyesight deteriorated, my grandfather stopped attending, and I don’t remember the last time we went. I might have been about ten.

 

But the concerts are still going, and today I decided that now I drive, I could take the Monday morning off work and drive up there so mum and I could see them perform again. And if mum doesn’t want to go, maybe I’ll still do it anyway; taking myself to spend two hours with some connection to the grandmother I never knew.

 

What better way to connect with my heritage?

 

The Quest for Knowledge

In 2011, I decided to do all the things I’d never had the self-confidence to do before. I went to work in a café at a Buddhist festival, began Anger Management, got a summer job, attended lectures on Paganism at Witchfest International and began teaching Shivanata.

 

This year, I’m planning to go back to Witchfest and stay for the whole thing (or at least a good part of the evening). Now I’m not at university, and having been in education for 18 years, I want to keep some aspect of learning in my life.

 

This desire to keep learning also got me thinking about Buddhafield Festival.  I worked at the café in the morning, and attended workshops in the afternoon/evenings. In one way, this was good as I had structure and got to make friends on my shift. It also meant I didn’t have huge amounts of time without anything to do. And of course, attending the festival was free in return for working.

However, I missed a lot of workshops because the shift was set, and I think I would be willing to pay if I had that freedom to just wander the stalls, wander round the fields and spend more time in the meditation dome.

 

But I don’t have a tent, and wouldn’t feel safe sleeping there on my own. Also the last day of Buddhafield sparked the ending of a friendship, and part of me still feels the risk of that overrides the good that I got out of it.

 

Writing Opportunities

This afternoon I was told about World Fantasy Convention 2013, being held just a few miles away in Brighton. As a fantasy writer, the idea of four days meeting other writers and publishers and attending talks on writing, strikes me as a pretty good time.

I’ve two completed manuscripts in the midst of editing, and by November, I may even have finished another draft piece.

I would need to check with work, and I’m going to email a query before committing, but it’s another way to connect with writing; a practise that sustains me. And that’s what this year is all about – finding ways to aim for the stars while staying balanced.

 

Balancing the Hermit

All this planning is wonderful, and I’m excited to begin taking charge of my own life without being dictated by school holidays or plans my parents have made without consulting me.

However, I’m an only child who needs her space. I know that I can turn into too much of a hermit, and so I’m trying to compensate; while making sure I don’t overwhelm myself.

 

So I have my eight druid festivals, the eleven pub moots, two possible nights of KPO and a festival, convention or pagan event of some form.

 

I’d say I can fit in another 2 major events without overwhelming my life; particularly in april, may and july.

But for now, I’m keeping the calendar open and trusting that my path will reveal itself.

 

– Rose –

Looking to the Future

pondwork2Last week I had supervision. I didn’t cry, so it was automatically 200% times better than last time.

 

My manager made a comment that she could see me moving up the career ladder and not staying in this role forever. I took it as a compliment that she thinks I’m capable of more and clearly she thinks I’m motivated to do well. That’s all grand.

 

I also noticed fear and confusion though. I hadn’t thought about it – I’ve only been here six weeks. I’m worried about tomorrow morning, not a year from now. But it got me thinking.

 

The Path Ahead

One colleague in the same job role as me always talks about how she loves it, and her reasons are so believable. I’ve listened to her and thought ‘yes, this is fab and I always wanted to do this stuff’ and “you’re right, that must be the best feeling ever”.

 

And then I shadowed an assistant social worker who suggested my new colleague and I do a social work qualification. I could do it alongside my current job, funded and so on… That way I’d have more knowledge and job security as social workers are always needed.

 

But do I want to? Yes, it would mean job security, but in a job I don’t think I’d like. Knowledge is good, but if I got pushed into that job role, I think I would be unhappy.

 

With an open mind, I listened, smiled, said I’d think about it.

 

Forks in the Road

At this point, I’ve been in the social service industry for seven weeks. I don’t have a clue what I want to do in the future.

 

I applied last year for doctorate training in psychology. I thought it perfect for me; the idea of teaching CBT because, just as this blog was set up and I taught Shiva Nata – I want to help people help themselves. To teach them how to learn life’s lessons alone, so they have control.

 

Right now, I’m teaching how to budget, meal plan, how to deal with anger and stress… Teaching parents with young kids, who will learn from the parents I have taught.

 

To me, that sounds even more perfect. No extra social work training or new job necessary.

 

Either way, I need a solid year in this job before looking at others or trying to get onto qualification training.

 

But the subject won’t leave me.

 

If I do want to do further study, I need to do it quick. My mental health experience will be “out of date” soon enough, and I cannot afford to change my path after devoting five years here; when I plan to make some big changes in my life.

 

I just celebrated 6 years with my partner. I’m thinking about co-habiting and kids, moving from my heat-inefficient flat and now what kind of career I might want.
If I have to move to be with my partner, that means leaving this county. My job isn’t very often required, and I’d likely have to work weekends for less money in another county.

 

But I want kids more than I want a career.

 

So the path ahead is dark, and I’m taking the option to trust in the path I’ve chosen, and to enjoy the next seven months; until I need seriously re-consider my next steps forward.

 

– Rose –

Star-Seeking: The Break Down

DSC_0133Reaching for potential, I have three main goals for 2013. Last year I spent time breaking them down and weeks explaining them… and then forgot about them.

 

This year, I’ve ignored January in terms of my goals so that I can settle into my new job and focus on making sure I can pay the rent. Now I’m feeling more settled, I wanted to break down my 3 focuses into manageable and measurable tasks.

 

Reduce Excess

I don’t remember when I began the journey toward minimalism, but as I’ve now nearly finished moving out of my parent’s house, I can safely say it’s going well. I still have more than I wish I had; but it’s certainly in progress. It all fits in a one-bed flat and I’ll be working to keep only what I use in my new role as a worker, a woman, a twenty-something-year-old.

 

I’m also going to reduce the “laziness” and junk food, perhaps cutting down on certain foods or by creating new meals and exercise routines. Either way, I’m reducing my intake of bad things, as well as bringing new patterns into my life.

 

Action Points:

 1

-          Every ‘thing’ must ‘fit’ comfortably in my flat. If not, something’s got to go. Check every 3 months for “excess”.

 

Creation

I want to get back to creating as a regular practise – be that art and crafts, meditation, or bringing about new patterns into my life. I’m hoping to get back into my old exercise routine and increase the healthy snacks before cutting down on the negative pieces.

 

My proposed exercise is simple – to dance and do yoga, to do a few strength-building practices and get outside, walking once a month at minimum (it seems having a car has completely removed my ability to go for a walk).

 

Having co-run meditation sessions for nearly four years, I want to get back to regular meditation. It helps me feel more balanced and gives me the mental strength to handle my feelings, particularly with my job, not just reading files of abuse, but meeting families themselves.

 

2 & 3 & 4

-          Jan – March = settling in, get meditating once a week. Write novel / draw / dance for an hour a week.

-          April – June = increase good food. Start regular strength exercise.

-          July – September = Reduce sugary food and get outside once a month

-          October – December = Find exercise outside of my home, and reduce processed food

 

Learning as a Scholar

Once more, I want to embrace that vision of myself as a bookworm, nerd and scholar. I want to learn about the quantum physics behind the oxygen I breathe, the neuroscience behind the effects of caffeine and gain general knowledge about the world around me.

 

Two weeks ago, my manager said she’d picked me for the job because I seemed to be a “sponge” able to pick up knowledge and skills quickly.

I was rather chuffed by the comment!

 

Part of understanding my world includes my faith and the stories of this country, of my ancestors. This is where my OBOD home study course comes in. I want to know myself; why I am who I am and why I believe what I do. What my predecessors believed and why. This links back to “take a walk once a month”.

 

5 & 6

-          Read two books a month

-          Read at least one OBOD lesson a month (even if it takes longer to do the exercises

-          Watch 4 ‘factual’ programmes a month

 

So those are my measurable goals for 2013. And if I start to forget, I have my themes to at least keep me on track.

 

I am heading for potential and improvement; seeking the stars.

 

– Rose –

The Transition between 2012 and 2013

Happy New Year, and welcome to 2013!

Rather than re-write my review here, I’ll just link you to the post on my other blog, which can be found here. That’s how I got on with my 13 goals for 2012, and here’s an outline of my simpler set for 2013.

The Goals for 2013

2. Two Words ~ Star | Seeking

0. Zero Expectations

1. One Theme ~ Improvement

3. Three Goals ~

  1. Reduce excess: food & ‘stuff’

i.      Cut down on junk food
ii.      Head for minimalism

  1. Create: relaxation & exercise

i.      Meditate, dance & put systems in place to deal with work
ii.      Get healthy to be as able to deal with stress as best as possible

  1. Bury myself in learning

i.      Read books and watch educational programs
ii.      Continue home-study courses

What ideas do you have for 2013?

– Rose –

Creating Potential: Giving

dec 003I talk a lot about ‘potential’ in this blog.

But what is potential, in terms of your every day life?

 

In 2010, I was a University student, realising that the lessons from my parents were not the only way to live.

At the beginning of the year, I made a pledge to donate money to charity. I grew up with my mother buying brooches and out of special charity catalogues. And with my father saying how expensive the items were in them; or how she didn’t need another brooch.

 

Stop Waiting for Destiny

A couple of weeks ago, I found a blog post that made me think about that choice. I’m in my early 20s, and I’ve never been taught about the importance of spending, saving and giving. It reminded me that I need to teach myself, and I made that first step back in 2010.

 

There is nothing to suggest I couldn’t teach myself to give – nothing saying I did not have the potential to be one of those people who gifts.

 

Last month, I received my WWF “thanks for adopting an animal” update pack – my other half adopted a snow leopard (or some) for my birthday. It reminded me of the post I wrote in 2011, where I was trying to teach myself to give.

I seemed to be reading blogs by people who give their time and money, because they want to. For a while, I think I actually waited for that feeling to arise. I waited to become compassionate, and to want to give.

And then I realised I have to stop waiting, and to make it reality. I have to teach myself to be compassionate in this particular way – to value other’s homelessness over that new book I wanted.

 

Steady Income

Because I don’t have a steady income, I asked for someone to make a donation for my birthday. I have asked family members to donate to a charity on my behalf again for Yule.  I’ve also got a toy to donate to a local Christmas Toy Appeal for children who wouldn’t otherwise have presents.

Through giving in little ways, I’ve found the joy and learned that I want to help people.

Then, something else happened. I got offered a job.

 

From January, I will have a steady income. And that means I need to learn how to spend, save and give. I was very good at tracking my spending in my first year of university. And then it tapered off.

In two weeks I’ll move into a flat, begin working and have to pay bills, rent, petrol, insurance and learn how to manage all of the different costs.

 

The Mathematics

For my undergraduate degree, I had student loans.

For my Masters, I only had rent, two bills and food to pay for.

 

This year I’ll have TV license, 3 bills, internet&phone, insurance, car insurance, petrol, car servicing, rent, credit card payments, council tax, income tax, national insurance tax and student loan repayments*.

*Though the student loan repayment is £39 a month, despite the fact that the interest increases is by over £300 a month.

 

I found a way to give when I had no income. Now I will have money, I hope I can continue to give; I just need to learn how to balance it. To teach myself the skills I want my future self to have.

I’ll be living on savings until January, and I’ll begin my saving what I can. When the second payslip comes, I can look at my saving, spending and sharing.

I no that I have the potential to create a cushion of savings, still afford food, and give to those in need.

 

What could you potentially do or become?

What’s the first step to creating that future you?

 

– Rose –

The Alchemist Ponders Jobs

As an alchemist, I seek transitions. I see the lead around me, particularly in mental health and wellbeing, and I can just imagine all the silver beneath it.

In May, I applied for my first ever full-time job. I then applied for my second at the end of June. By the end of August, of the nine applications, I had five interviews: one in social work, one for a PhD, two in youth work and one in mental health. It’s now the end of October, and I’ve secured a job.


Expectations of a Dream

Since I was young, I’ve flitted between interests and enjoyments. Other than swimming, karate and my first degree, I’ve never stuck to one thing for more than a year. And even then, I took three types of swimming, and did a second degree in a different area.

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked what my dream job would be. Without thinking, I said a Falconer. Secondly, my dream of working with people who experience domestic abuse. Third, my love of running anger management and life skills courses. Fourth, I LOVE teaching Shivanata. But then I love learning and would love to do another degree.

If I picture my life in five years, I’m a housewife and stay-at-home mum; writing novels and painting.

So your guess is as good as mine.


Seeking the Silver

I’ve attributed this to my ability to seek possibility and potential in any space. All the jobs I apply for; from the hospital staff jobs involving cleaning patients to the funded PhD student jobs, have a silver lining I can truly grasp hold of and love.

I wrote a piece for Emmanuelle about my “why” in life, and I can see that opportunity in most job roles in the social care or wellbeing sectors.

“I know that my purpose here is to teach people to help themselves, teach them how to research, to reach out and connect. I’m not here to help you each time you fall; I’m here to teach you how you can get yourself back up again.”

So far, I’ve refurbished the Alchemy Forge to provide services in brain-training, energy healing, word-smithing and self-connecting. These are tools I use in my every day life, and intend to carry into my next job with me, to turn the iron or lead into silver and gold.

Now I’ve been offered a job working with families; teaching life skills and assessing the wellbeing of children. I can see how it fits in with my “dream”.


The Challenges

However, all the jobs I have experienced and think about doing in the future are emotionally challenging. I want to help people in bad places; so I’m going to see bad places, and meet people who are in them. I’m working in an area where this is common and I am well-trained. I know what I’m getting into.

My partner is a foundation doctor, working in a children’s unit. He got into the job to help people who aren’t well. But instead, he’s reporting child abuse and treating babies with cracked skulls.

He didn’t sign up for that. I signed up for helping with child abuse. I worked my way up from working with adults to children, from depression to hospitalised conditions… to children at risk in their own homes.

My partner just wants to help make people’s lives better. But my partner has to treat a parent who has caused lasting damage to a baby like any other person. He has to bite his tongue and sit on his hands as this parent asks when they can go home.
All jobs have challenges. I know I’m specifically going into a challenging field, which is looked upon as wholly negative by a lot of families. I feel that I can deal with it because I can see the iron and change it into gold.

But I don’t know how anyone else deals with it. If anyone earns my compassion, it’s the doctors and the teachers who aren’t there with the purpose of seeing abuse; but have to deal with it anyway.


Your Input

How did you choose your current job?
What lessons have you learned about job-seeking?
What tools would you find most useful in your roles?
How do you deal with anything you didn’t expect?

– Rose –

Rose (MSc): Graduation Fears

It’s official.

I passed my Masters in Cognitive Neuroscience. I got a first in my dissertation, and I beat my BSc score (though the grade is the same).

Results came out last Wednesday at 4pm – while I was at my granddad’s house. So I used my snazzy phone to look it up as the time rolled around. My granddad didn’t even respond; despite explaining what it was and what it meant.

Just thirty minutes before he’d asked if my new job would make use of my degrees and would it allow me to keep learning because he knows I need to learn to be happy. He’d gone on about his own school days in a military school, and his first jobs. And come back to “your degrees, they’re good?”

Telling him I’d done better in my MSc than my BSc, and better in the MSc dissertation by a whole grade; he barely registered it. Telling him I was happy with the results left no impression. Within ten minutes, he’d forgotten. Mum proposed a toast at dinner to my results and he hadn’t just forgotten; he ignored it as if the reminder hadn’t even registered.

 

I’m not bothered that people don’t care – I’m bothered that this is something he should be excited or happy or concerned or interested in – because he values education so highly.

 

Graduation

At the weekend, mum asked if I want to go to the MSc graduation in January.

It’s a lot of money and fuss, I only made two friends on my course, I don’t have a dress and I’d be taking a day off work. But I could get a proper photograph, the gowns are nicer for masters, my partner might be able to come, I’d get to see my two friends…

And when I think back to my BSc graduation, all I remember is being told that my granddad is going to the doctor because they think he has Alzheimer’s.

  * * *

But I doubt he’d even come to this one.

They’re taking him off the medication and he’ll go back to declining at a faster rate.

I read a New Scientist article about the hopes for prevention ~ but they won’t help my granddad. His wife asked me what he could have done to stop it – could he have eaten better or exercised more?

I don’t know many people with dementia who have climbed mountains just a few years before. Snowdon 3 times. Ben Nevis twice. He eats healthily, rambles, goes square dancing, paints, reads the paper, does the Sudoku puzzle daily.

 

But he has a build up of plaques and is on the verge of depression.

And Aricept caused him heart rate to reach 45bpm (for a 65+ year old the rate is 50-55 if they’re still an athlete). He’s 84. He should have been unconscious with that rate.

So they’ll likely take him off the drug, and he’ll be even less likely to be himself, to be excited, and more likely to feel depression. If he declines faster, will he forget to be depressed? Would he be happier?

 * * *

At my BSc graduation, I found out about his Alzheimers. Last week at his house, I found out my MSc results, and got no response.

 

The time for mourning may have already arrived; but I don’t want to give up hope. I can’t fight this, but I don’t know how to just give up.

 

And I’m not sure I want to graduate without him.

 

– Rose –

Pushing Boundaries

Not this car… but it’s the only car picture I have :D

Today, I bought a car.

More importantly, I drove my father and a salesman in a new car in a new area and even onto a 70mph road.

Without my calming music, P-plates or even my water bottle.

My usual driving style of talking anxiously was something new to both of them. But considering the salesman said it would be best if one of my parents drove it instead – before I’d even sat inside it… well, I’m not confident if someone else isn’t confident in me.

But I did it.

I drove up to 70mph for the first time; in a strange car, strange road and with two people who have never seen me drive.

And it went fine. There was a one-way system and a bus and parked cars blocking the road and the car is 10 inches bigger than the one I usually drive. But I did it.

 

It’s a Peugeot, which my partner and I have some personal jokes about (Top Gear’s Richard Hammond makes jokes doing impressions of the front grill which are funny too). It’s also the car just one below the 307 I learnt to drive in.

 

Fear is Temporary

The more I push myself to do scary things; the less scary they become.

But it’s more than that. The more I push my boundaries, the wider my boundaries become.
I think “If I can drive a strange car on a strange road, can I live alone?” or “If I can write a novel and submit it to a publisher, can I handle starting an emotionally-demanding job?”

 

I’m not “faking it til I make it” or “becoming a whole new me”. I’m just easing out the conditioning and redefining how I want to be. Each step of this alchemy journey has a strong foundation behind it.

 

How could you redefine yourself?

What boundaries are feeling a bit tight?

 

– Rose –

 

Do you wish to redefine a fear? Let me help with your journey. Head over to the Alchemy Forge and fire up your dreams.