Westminster Policy and Practice Briefing: Innovation in Early Intervention

Oct9

Back in September, I attended a conference. The topic was “Children and Young People With Mental Health Conditions: Improving Early Intervention and Outcomes Locally”, and I was there to talk about the outcomes in Brighton.

I won’t go through all the different aspects of the day; but I would like to share some of the questions and comments made, and my responses to them.

Please note these are all the personal opinion of one person; based on my experiences and those experienced by colleagues and clients. Some of these experiences are my own, some of people I’ve known and worked with.

*In a survey, 26% of young people who have been stigmatised wanted to give up on life.*

Can I make that any more powerful a message?

Questions, Quotes and Responses

“Does Self Harm spread? Can it be grown out of?”

I would say that it does spread, as “this helped me. Feel free to try it in case it helps you”.

Some people seem to be able to find other ways of dealing with stress. In others, it’s like eating disorders as when stressed, the temptation often returns, as the brain remembers “that worked” and thus it’s hard to forget.

“You get person A not thinking to cross the corridor to person B to ask if they know of anyone who can help. It’s just a fact of life.”

I DISAGREE. That sounds like poorly-trained professionals to me. I can understand time-constraints, or Person B being busy, yes.

“Forgetting” to ask if the children’s department can help this child is not “a fact of life”; it’s a problem that needs solving.

“I was surprised just how basic I had to get when talking with teachers.”

The things this speaker defined as “basics” were words I did not recognise, despite understanding all about CCGs, resilience, talking therapies and the shifts in commissioning. These are not “basics” to a teacher. These are JARGON. Just as all my neuroscience words are jargon. As are dentists number of teeth or doctor’s notes.

I would suggest when working with people from another sector, that you try using words you learned outside of the industry. I would never expect people to know what I am saying if I’m using the specialist terms of my specialist area.

“A report by OFSTED found that schools wouldn’t “spend money on playground tarmac” (CONTEXT: schools feel that spending money on mental health is as important/useful as redecorating the playground)

If schools view mental health as being as/less important then play-time (which is damned important, I’d like to add), I think they should quit, or shut up.

Would a school say “we won’t spend money on access for wheelchairs” or “we won’t spend money on ensuring there’s no asbestos in the ceilings”. Mental health is part of physical health and just because there’s no law saying you have to, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.

*50% of people who face a mental health problem experience the beginning before the age of 14.*

That means that anyone experiencing mental health problems before the age of 15 isn’t a “faker” or “trying to be cool”. They could be 50% of the future-adults who will experience a mental health problem.

Your Input

How would answer those questions?

Can you “grow out of” Self-Harm?
Does Self Harm “catch”?
Is mental health important in schools?
Should everyone working for a company know at least how to get hold of the other sectors within that company?

– Rose –

P.S. Again, this is just my opinion. I have deliberately kept individual and company names out of this post.

Self-Development and Speech

Jul4

Another course of Anger Management began last week. We talked about the motivations each member had for attending the group, and I grinned all the way home at the idea of so many 16-25 year olds I’ve met who were willing to come to a class and face the consequences of their emotions.

I never understood people who didn’t always seek to further their development. I still struggle with it – if you’re life isn’t as it should be, what can you do to take that step forward?

Political Correctness

I grew up around the phrase “political correctness has gone mad” and a lot of shouting about “freedom of speech means I can say what I like!”

And then I came to university, where people get offended, and where I suddenly have to respect everyone. I didn’t see a lot of respect when I was growing up, so this was a shock to me.

The policy of this group is to respect difference – no offensive comments about gender, sex, race, housing situation (e.g. council house and violence, travellers, homeless), sexuality, disability or age. We also try to adhere to a rule of ‘No Generalisations’, generally. I’ve become pretty proficient at picking up on generalisations actually.

The Struggle

I don’t get offended that easily by words (despite my last post). I’m happy with swearing, including being called a c-word, b-word, f-word and so on. It doesn’t bother me to be called them, and I find it odd when other people are upset by it. To me, it’s not discrimination in the way the previous words are.

Being called a “chav” or “gypsy” is a direct negative comment about your actions, who you are, what you do. Being told to eff-off isn’t anything to do with you; it’s about the other person wanting space.

I now get the difference, but it’s taken three years of working in this field to get my head around. Even the c-word isn’t said because you’re female or because you’re male; it’s said because it’s known to hurt you and the aim is to upset. Intrinsically, it’s no different from being called an “elbow”.

Understanding and awareness is the first step. Now I have the new battle to fight; the conflict between being able to say what I want (freedom of speech) and have other people say what they want… and respect my new lesson that no one should be upset by it.

The Phone Conversation

One of my strong views relates to parenting, as children are a big motivator for me. I want to teach and to guide; which ultimately leads all my self-development to be “training” for helping others. I sat behind a woman on the phone on the bus home from running the first class; and she said:

“Well you better make sure it’s done by the time I get home, okay? Or else I’ll get really mad.”

No wonder these young people arrive at anger management believing it’s bad and they’re bad people for getting angry! I could feel my own anger rising, my sense of injustice, and even some dislike for the woman who is causing her child to develop certain feelings for a natural emotion.

Her wording also bothered me. I speak a lot about language and how important different words are. I could understand “If it’s not done i’ll feel angry because you lied/I needed it done/ it means our relationship doesn’t mean as much to you” but that’s not what it sounded like to me.

It suggests to me “I will hurt you” – be that harm emotionally making you feel guilt, shame, sadness or verbally calling names (useless, trying to cause trouble) or even physical violence.

Who threatens another human being? I don’t get it.

My Views Arise

“I don’t believe it is acceptable to treat another person in that way.”

Last week I said “how dare she exist in that way of treating people.”
I’m noticing a trend in my world view. And Ben (the therapist at Anger Management) says, anger can be triggered by “any threat to a view we hold dear”.

I see people upset by drink-drivers, by animal-abusers, by child-abusers but somehow it’s okay to call other adults names, especially if you’re a different sex/race/age and it’s okay to use lying, verbal abuse and mental manipulation to get what you want?

I grew up in a black and white world, and I can’t understand these shades of grey people have created.

Understanding leads to Acceptance

I don’t understand humanity. I’ve done a psychology degree, I’ve now attended a total of six anger management courses (five co-facilitating) and I’ve gone on to work in mental health to get my head around the mental aspect.

Maybe I understand it too well – that we need freedom of speech but we shouldn’t negatively impact others. Maybe I see why X did Y, but why I’d do Z.

I’m stuck in this limbo between two principles I’m supposed to value; with no idea how I really feel about them; seeming to agree with them at different times.

Your Thoughts

How do you deal with conflicting values?

What are your views on these two subjects – freedom of speech and not hurting others with your speech?

– Rose –

On-A-Whim Redefinition

Apr13

*Dear K, if you are reading this, please don’t feel that I have deceived you because I am now always who I was when I was with you. R.

In my mind, I’ve always held this “honourable” view.

I don’t know where I get it from, because I’ve never met anyone who shares it to the extent that I do, and I’ve had it at least since I was seven.

The view was “You should keep your word; any words you use are a promise, and if you break a promise, you deserve to die.”

I remember so clearly the day I cried because in my heart, I felt I didn’t deserve to live because I’d not been able to keep a promise; I’d been too scared to move.

Yet, as I aged, I found myself telling the odd half-truth, and I remember exactly when I made the last three promises. One was April / May 2007. One was in April 2005 and they promised me the same back. The other was a couple of years even before that.

I learnt not to promise, never to “give my word” and I began to hedge everything with ifs and buts.

Magic: The Opening

In 2009, three other students and I were looking around a student house when I recognised the photo of my friend in one of the bedrooms. He wasn’t in, but I asked his housemate, K, if he lived with my friend.

I also noticed some “magic: the gathering” cards on K’s shelf and commented that I used to play it at college.

He said “I’d be happy to take you to the SWARM society and we could play a game” and I, barely hearing him, said “I’ll think about it” in such a noncommittal manner, I saw his face fall.

Something struck me then. The memory of me as a child, of my word, of honour and honesty. I’d said it, so now I had to think about it.

I saw his face and tilted my head to catch his eye. “I mean it, I really will.”

He didn’t seem convinced, which strengthened my resolve further. To cut the long story short, I contacted my friend and asked if K would give me the details of SWARM. I won the game on a technicality (more than I ever did at college, so yay!) and we’re still friends.

This guy, K, did business studies. When he took me to my first ever gig with another friend of ours, he talked a lot about how the recession was affecting things and how it would continue to affect us. I nodded and only half paid attention again; it was late, my attention was all about seeing a band live (for the first time!) and I had no prior knowledge of business or money to add this new information to.

The next morning, I vaguely remembered having said I’d love to see his essay report on how the financial affairs had come about, once he’d given it in for his coursework. I don’t remember why I’d said that, but I had and thus, a month later, I emailed to ask if I could read it. It was actually very enlightening to read, but the main reason was to keep up this belief (to him and to myself) that I’m still a decent, honest person.

The Point

I didn’t realise it at the time, but in keeping this façade of being an honourable human with just one person, I have come to really value the power of the word; the strength of relationships built on true listening and hearing of each other (these days I listen intently to and understand his business talk).

And it has spread out to other areas of my life. It may take me 6 months, but if I tell you that I’ll do something for you; I will.

- If I say “you know where I am if you need me”, I’m not being polite. I’m seriously passionate about making sure you have the support you need. I have had friends ring me at 2am on the verge of suicide. And I am 100% happy to deal with that.

- I can help you define where you want to be a month from now, and I don’t mind you coming on skype in tears to ask me for that help. Or just for a hug and to listen. If I message you to say I’m here for you, I truly mean it.

Your Turn

In the end, this redefinition was all about my intense need to be in line with my values. I hate hypocrites and I value honour – thus I became honourable.

If you want to redefine how you act and what views you hold, try to be the “new you” with someone you’ve just met. It’s easier if they’re not friends with your closest friends; but even so, in time you’ll be like that with everyone. You can change things slowly, one thing at a time.

What would you shift?

Pick one thing, meet one person (or just change that aspect with someone you don’t know too well yet) and go with it. Leave a comment if you’d like some support or a little nudge in how to go about it all. Seriously.

I think for my next introduction, I’ll practise speaking without “like” or “you know” in every sentence. I’d like to change that about myself.
– Rose –

* That picture is from March this year, sharing a drink at midnight. I kept my word.

The Language of Self-Love

Feb10

Today I’ve taken off, in order to search other landscapes.You can find me over at Open Roads Coaching; taking part in the Leap into Love series with a post on how our language can affect our perception of love.

“Language controls our perception, our mental life. Turned becomes plunged and boredom becomes fear. Language can control our emotions. And that includes love.”

Head on over to read the rest of this post and to check out the other wonderful entries in the Leap into Love series.

Inner Voices – Interesting Conversations

Nov3

We’ve all heard of intuition. Some say it’s our unconscious which noticed something small and is guiding us sub-consciously. Others would say there is a higher power in our inner voices.

Regardless of who we are and what we believe, I think most people experience moments where we talk to ourselves; weighing up pros and cons; dialoguing two sides of a situation, engage in conversation with… ourselves.

“If I do that then it’ll go wrong”
“But will it?”
“Well it depends…”
“If I did this, it wouldn’t…”

Inner Speech

Inner speech, or intrapersonal communication (within-person communication) is a common phenomenon in humans, thought to aid self-regulation. It’s involved in thought, day-dreaming, visualisation, writing, typing and speaking out loud and is considered part of the human consciousness.

As social creatures, certain parts of our brain has evolved for the pure function of being decent socially; often referred to as the social brain. Inner speech is likely to have evolved in order to avoid silence or process information in ways that we could then socially pass on to others.

Speech as a Tool

It’s been found that those strategically question or speak out loud are better at problem solving. This doesn’t surprise me, as we all know that talking a situation through with a friend can be helpful even if the friend doesn’t have any epiphanies to share. Talking is the therapy, not the feedback.

In counselling there’s a tool known as the ‘empty chair’ technique; where clients are asked to speak to an empty chair, as if another person is sitting there. This is just another example of speech as a helpful tool.

But what about inner speak? When we talk to ourselves purely in our heads; we’re still using language but we appear silent in terms of our mouth muscles moving. Is this helpful?

Self-Talk as a Tool

Many models have attempted to understand the phenomena; especially looking at those considered to have different forms of inner speech such as those experiencing auditory hallucinations (hearing voices/experiencing psychosis).

In these studies, it’s been found that some schizophrenics (who experience auditory verbal hallucinations (AVH)) can disrupt the inner voices by opening their mouth. This suggests that the mental and physical need to match – if my mouth moves but doesn’t match my speech; one of the two phenomena will stop; either the voices or the mouth movements.

Any form of language involves the language processing parts of the brain and the traditional turn-taking we’re taught as infants may use the same brain-areas as problem-solving; thus strengthening those neurons or just ‘warming them up’, as it were.

Conclusions

So. The votes are in. Here’s the results, plain and simple:

- Speak out loud to yourself = win

- Speak out loud at all = yay

- Read aloud = brain growth = woo

- Internal conversations, as long as they contain positive messages = helpful

The question of problem solving via internal conversations is hard to measure; but it can’t do any harm as long as the message/content is positive. Mental visualisation/daydreaming (Peynircioglu, Thompson, & Tanielian, 2000) has been shown to help athletes in many studies.

As the old quote goes:

“It’s an interesting conversation with an interesting person.”

- Rose -

Redefinition – Adopting a Label of Passion

Sep22

In November, I got my first job, which involved a bit of lying to get.

If you’re not familiar, the job requires someone “confident at speaking, answering questions, meeting new people”… which, compared with my state of hating new people, inability to answer questions without preparation and a claustrophobia of crowds added to the typical fear of public speaking…

Let’s say I didn’t exactly Match the Profile.

Yet, I redefined myself through a moment of fear.

New Job

This week, I underwent the final assessment/interview for a new job; tutoring Maths. It involved ringing head office and pretending they are a new client; and talking to them as if they are the parent and child I’d need to introduce myself, and introduce the company to.

I had not practised this. I dislike having to make phone calls at a set time and the methods had changed slightly since the videos in the training packs were made – so I didn’t quite know what was expected of me.

In the hour before that call, I was feeling dizzy, sick and panicky. I sat on my bed and tried to remember how I tackled this fear in terms of my first job.

Redefine the Fear

What is this fear about? And are they really that bad?

- Failing? I’d get another chance.

- Looking silly? Doesn’t everyone from time to time? They’ll understand messing up due to fear.

- Ringing THEM? It’s not a problem when people ring me.. but we manage this fine. I’m getting better at ringing people and this is just more training in how to call people. Life is a load of trainings for the future.

- Not enough knowledge of the call process – learn as you go. Research in this final hour; and explain at the end that you weren’t sure which bits had changed – they’ll be happy you’re willing to learn.

- Common sense. You need to sound confident, speak well and be friendly. You do that daily.

Redefine your Label

- I give campus tours – I can teach.

- I’ve co-run workshops for kids – I can connect with people.

- I did well on my last few Uni presentations – I am a speaker

- I’ve spoken in front of 100 people at a conference – I’ve been a speaker professionally.

This isn’t a case of I “can” do this, it’s a case of I “do” this, already. This is what I do.

Find the Passion

Why did you apply for this one? Was it purely the high money rate? If that inspires you and makes you passionate then think of the money and how I could change my world with that, let’s do this!”

Passion negates fear, exercise negates anxiety. Do some press ups, run down and up the stairs a bit and feel how passionate you are about doing something related to the task.

I love maths. I loved GCSE Maths. Algebra and mental maths are my strengths, and I know so many people who struggle with maths. So invoking that passion to help people find a love (or tolerance) for the subject I love… That negates fear.

Dream Big

I’ve also always wanted to teach – not in a school with kids who don’t want to be there; but life skills to people who have potential but can’t access it yet. This is a step towards that – a chance to learn teaching skills, and to teach them skills in problem solving, stepping back and learning methods.

Perspective!

Finally, if I didn’t get the job, I’d lose one opportunity, once. That’s it.

I could re-apply in a year.

I can find another job.

No one has to know I applied for this one. It’s not on my CV under a massive FAILURE heading.

It is one phone call out of the thousands I’ll make in my life. One interview following the 15-20 I’ve already had.

It’s not even a real interview; it’s a call to check you feel comfortable doing the process you’ve signed up to do. It’s a “chat” to “check you feel comfortable”. That’s not so scary, is it?

The Result

I did make a comment I now regret making, and I think they went “errr” in reply. I then clarified my point, said oh, I didn’t quite mean that, and it was forgotten.

But I got the job. I begin Monday and although it scares me, I know I can do this.

I’m a speaker, I’m a teacher, I connect and I’m reaching for my dreams.

And if I’m not really, then by Monday I will be.

What could you redefine?

- Rose -

How Language Defines Your World

Aug30

“If everyone told you the sky was a shade of light green over and over again; if you were told that from a young child; we’d see the blue as a light green.

Our perception is altered by changing labels – that’s how the media works.

So how can you use language to alter your life and bring about more self-love?”

Today you find me over at Soul Spackle; partaking in the Summer School of Self-Love 2.0 series with a post on how we can use our language lovingly, especially in terms of self-talk.

Most of us go through life speaking our mind, talking to ourselves and using the words we learnt as a child.

However, language is how we define the world.

Head on over to read the rest of this post and to check out the other wonderful entries.

Redefinition: The Partial Truth

Aug23

In Spring 2011, I got my first ever paid job [which I lied in order to get], began teaching, made a commitment to Druidry and Buddhism, and began to specifically explore the role of redefinition in how I label my title; and more recently, how I interact with the outside world.

Essentially, due to a couple of traumatic incidents, I don’t like being in my body.

This is something I talk about when I discuss breathing meditation, body scans, reiki, dance or feeling ill. It’s a phrase I say a lot. “Well there’s breathing meditation, but I feel really squeamish about my ribs. I just don’t like being in my body.”

A Form of Truth

This is partly true.

Background Information: Traumas involved being in hospital unable to breathe and panic attacks where I couldn’t breathe.

I dislike feeling my ribs, I tend to control my breathing when I should be watching it, and I hold my breath a lot during stressful times [or times I’m thinking about stressful stuff; which is often].

However, I enjoy dance. I can focus on the out-breath, or put on music and just let my breath follow the tune. This allows me to sit in my body without panic.

I’ve also found that feeling my pulse in my wrist is something I can come back to.

Similarly, my Buddhist teacher KJ suggested I have some beads or something to fiddle with in my hands – so instead of “coming back to the breath”, I can come back to the sensations in my fingers. Which are part of my body.

Re-Writing Terminology

“I dislike being aware of my breath.”

“I enjoy following the rhythm of my heartbeat.”

“I love the tingling in my hands when I bring the energy of awareness to them” [ie. In Reiki]

Those are very different to “I hate being in my body”. But the more I said it, in my mind and to others, the more I found myself panicking before I’d even begun the breathing meditation.

Gentle Exposure

This week, I’ve tried to be more aware of myself. I concentrate on my fingers and toes feel when I’m awaiting sleep. I take deep breaths of the rain-filled air outside; enjoying the coolness. I dance. I rest in my chair; back straight and shoulders relaxed.

And I notice.

- Just lowering/relaxing the shoulders has an instant softening effect.

* Getting up to do three touch-your-toes stretches and sitting back down, awakens me.

~ Feeling my stomach as I breathe deeply, isn’t too unpleasant.

I nod at the “be mindful” advice and take time to smell the roses. But sitting at my desk, I do everything I can to avoid being anywhere but my head.

This week, I’m doing my physiotherapy, daily shivanata, stretching 3-4 times a day and trying to feel different parts of my body.

What could you redefine? What are you not noticing?

In light,
Rose

Redefinition: The Job Application

Aug22

I got my (first ever) job back in November 2010; and worked my first shift in February. I was terrified of speaking in public, being in crowds and I hate meeting new people [especially young people]. I take school groups around campus, at the head of a crowd; judgemental teenagers I’ve never met.. and talk to them.

The Request

In May, I saw an email begging for help – one of the other workers had cancelled and the spot needed to be filled for 2 days time. And I noticed some language in the email request for a worker.

You must be confident at leading campus tours and looking after year 10s

Every email says this. I’d worked once before. I had to lie to myself to do the job. But if I didn’t, I’d NEVER do the job.

If I am NOT confident at giving campus tours [i.e. my first ever time], I will never reply saying “I can do this”. Therefore, I will NEVER GET confident, about giving campus tours.

Through changing my self-defining language “I’m not confident, I can’t do that, I’ve never done that”; I became ABLE to do it. “I’ll do it” was perceived as “I meet this criteria, I am confident”.

And through that, I did the job and became much more confident by the end of the shift.

The Definition

To be fair, I lied when I applied for the job, I lied in the interview/training day and therefore had no qualms lying about my confidence.

The job description said words to the effect of: “must enjoy meeting people, happy speaking to crowds/in public, knowledge of the campus, able to answer questions, have social skills & be flexible.”

I didn’t fit ANY of it, with my self-definition of that time.

But I realised that the only way I’d learn to speak in crowds, was to do it and not have it end badly. The only way to tolerate crowds; was to be in them and find the enjoyment.

I redefined myself through a moment of fear.

The Pivot

“I hate all these things. I’m afraid of all these things. I will always be afraid of them, if I never meet with them.”

(because facing fears is scary and so I meet with mine instead)

And a little voice in my mind broke out:

“What if I could do these things?”

“Let’s say I can. Let’s redefine this fear process. I am able. I am made of the same energy every other being is. I know so many people who have pushed their boundaries and therefore, expanded them.

And I want that.”

I don’t want to be defined by my fear.

So the Redefinition occurred and now I’ve done two shifts; and I’m signed up to work five dates this month alone. And through the knowledge that I am doing this; that I am so much more confident at speaking in public.

Hell, I spoke at a conference with 2,900 social care professionals in it two weeks ago.

I also used this fear to teach Shivanata; fear of meeting new people, being judged, speaking and demonstrating in a class. Yet now I love it. I’ve loved each session and felt so content with how I’m sharing these wonderful tools with others.

So I want to ask you; what fear is holding you back? How could you redefine it and find the adventure or challenge?

Redefinition: An Example

When you hear that voice saying “I can’t, I’m not, I don’t have that”, take a breath and ask if it’s possible you can/could/do.

“I hate public speaking.”

Do I? Do I hate it when people speak publicly?

“Okay.. I hate speaking in public myself”

“You speak to your friends in the supermarket”

“Right, so I hate speaking to a crowd who are focused on me.”

“… you run a blog.. you’re voice is there, and they’re all reading your words..”

It goes on, until I realise that “Speaking at the front of a crowd scares me because I want them to believe/like me. It unnerves me, having to present my ideas in a formal setting. Yet I do feel really competent and proud afterwards.” is more accurate.

What if you had a mind open to new experiences? Focus on possibility, and you’re find potential.

Re-word yourself and see what you could do.

Redefinition, in my experience, is kind of a lie that’s only a lie for the first 2-3 minutes of defining it. Then it becomes truth.

And then you become a truthful, unstoppable force in the world.

- Rose -