Sometimes, I think of myself as an open ambassador for mental health. I talk openly about my OCD-type symptoms (in order to be diagnosed with OCD officially, it needs to cause me distress, and I’m happy to be pedantic, thank you), my depression and anxiety, my panic attacks and even a little about my background.
I talk here about my fears, my anger and how I’m overcoming limits in my everyday life. I came to create redefinition alchemy not by choice, but because I could no longer live the life I was living. I couldn’t go on in that state, with the perceptions I had.
More and more often I have been hearing comments that I’m so open about my experiences, that people wish more openness existed.
However, I feel I should tackle this mis-perception.
I am not open about the experiences which have heavily impacted my mental health.
The Appearance of Openness
It’s quite sad that people think to talk about depression makes someone brave. That means it’s still such a taboo.
It’s sad to realise that people think it’s special to talk about fear – something every human experiences.
Why is this not normal?!
I appear open because society thinks these things are abnormal (at best) or taboo to talk about.
I think it’s normal to discuss them, because I have my own list of taboos.
I have experiences so much worse than the ones I share here, that these mentioned scenarios are nothing in comparison.
I’ve written so many posts I never publish. If you think I’m being special to talk about my fear of the dark? Wait until you see the story about someone threatening to kill me when I was 14.
You think it’s a big deal that I write about panic attacks? If only you knew the two experiences which caused them.
Normality
Society, as I have grown up knowing it, sees norms as abnormal, and will go to any length to find difference in a race of beings who are the same.
Do you think mental health problems are abnormal?
1 in 4 people have them.
Do you think emotions are something only you feel? Does any human never feel fear or anxiety about anything?
All humans have the brain areas which cause chemicals causing emotions.
Do you know how many people have the deep stories of traumatic experience within them?
I bet every person has at least one.
These are conditions common to humans. And it’s been shown that talking helps.
So WHY can’t I talk about them? Why, people of 2012 do we not allow people to tell their story?
We in the Western world who condemn slavery and the separation based on race or gender – why is that wrong but mental wellness and mental illness are split down the middle?
Why is it inappropriate for me to say “yes, I’m afraid of cars – someone once threatened to crash the car with me in it, and even today I don’t know why he was upset”?
A Shift in Acceptance
Looking back at last week’s post; WHY must I be okay to drive just because John Smith likes driving cars and he’s my age?
Why can I not share that story with other humans?
Why won’t you speak out?
Are you so afraid to speak up?
I am afraid. But I’m standing up now.
And no, I won’t talk about the other incident or the other diagnosis. But I can tell you that every human being in the world has some experience of trauma, and that as I define it, every single person has experienced abuse.
So why don’t we take the time to change the stigma around mental health?
I’m ready to be heard.
Are you ready to listen?
– Rose –
I’m totally listening.
People are very uncomfortable hearing about someone else’s trauma. Even as a mental health professional, there were times I struggled with appalling and tragic stories. But what people don’t understand is that talking diminishes the power the event has over the person who has been traumatized.
I wish we lived in a more compassionate and understanding world. It is unhealthy that we are conditioned not to talk about these things. The stigma needs to be removed. Awareness needs to increase. So keep on talking about as much as you can handle talking about it.
Thanks Loran. I know counsellors sometimes forget their training and get caught up in the story of the person they’re helping. Which I think can be just as helpful as the actual counselling. Knowing that a trained person is being upset by this gives the issue some validity, at least in my view.
Thanks for commenting – I intend to speak for as long as I can.And I hope I can inspire others to do the same.
I sooooo hear you totally agree with Loran as well – I know even mental health professionals who are too quick to cut someone’s story short and jump straight to ‘solving the problem’. This might make them feel better but it doesn’t help the person who wants to share their experiences and not have them dismissed, minimised or further invalidated. As a health professional myself, I have been to workshops where we’re told to ‘focus on the solution, not the problem’, and now there’s even a field called ‘positive psychology’. If anything the stigma of having ‘negative’ feelings is even worse now than ever. Alice Miller wrote on this topic and she was kicked out of her professional body because of it. We need to start listening. Thanks for writing this.
I work in mental health myself so I know all too well this “solution-focus” issue. I attended a conference two weeks back and that’s where this post really came from. Thanks for commenting.
Thank you for sharing this, Rose. I have lived on both sides of the fence, being a mental health professional who was learning to own the pain of past trauma and heal, simultaneously.
Your message brings the most important discussion to the table, of owning our entire experience. When we can do this, nothing is taboo, it is all embraced and cared for.
CJ
Thanks for commenting CJ. I feel like I’m in the same boat – working in the field and being with my own stories. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling like this though.
This is something I’ve thought about for a long time, myself. People think I’m all brave and shit because I talk about my fears and dark places, but I’ve been holding back, too. (Although I’m working on that.) Taboos shift and mutate over the years, but they do seem to be largely the same – we all want to be “normal” even though no one knows what that means.
Perhaps if we can follow the example of other “fearless” storytellers, we can break down those taboos even further. Not just for others and our society, but for ourselves. <3
Thanks for commenting Ellie. It’s good to know that I’m not alone in this. As I’ve been thinking about it, I’ve realised I’m also interested in the part of me which doesn’t want to share because it’s private – it’s “none of their business”. I’m not sure how much of that is an excuse and how much is valid.
I think stigma is decreasing for some things, but it seems to increase for others. Here’s to many more storytellers.
I too am making a stand. I’m sick of not being able to talk openly, so I created a Blog. I love your writing, it’s style, grammar, and simple, much needed questions. Do leave a comment if you check out my Blog. I would be really interested in your opinion. John
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